What Does Intimacy Mean To Me?
Here’s a typical interaction of what happens when someone finds out I’m an Intimacy Coach:
Person: “What does that mean?”
Me: “Let me start by asking, what does Intimacy mean to you?”
Person: “Well, I think of sex first. But really it has so much to do with your relationship with yourself, so maybe it’s more about that connection?”
Me: “Awesome answer! Let’s talk more about that connection!”
Now granted, there are no right or wrong answers here (and there’s a million and one variations to how that conversation actually goes). One of my favorite parts of being a coach is asking people how they define certain words, because everyone has their own adaptation of what words mean (yes, there’s a specific definition you can find online, but knowing what something means to you is what I’m more curious about).
For me, Intimacy is an all encompassing word. When I was considering becoming a relationship coach and figuring out my niche, I realized I really wanted to focus on Intimacy. There’s such a beauty to that word, and it truly resonated with every cell in my body. And Intimacy can show up in every part of our lives, from having a close relationship with our friends and being able to be our true selves; to our intimate relationships with our partner(s) which adds another layer of closeness by the act of physical intimacy, or making love. It can also relate to relationships between children and their parents; or a detailed knowledge of a person, place, or thing. Intimacy really is all around us, interweaving through different aspects of our lives.
I believe that we (we as in all humans) are not meant to live like hermits. We need interactions with people in our lives to help us thrive. Of course, there’s been times where I have been incredibly tempted to live the life of a hermit and completely remove myself from all of society, but I guess I’ll have to put that off a little longer…
Intimate relationships are incredibly important to me. Allowing myself to enter a space of vulnerability, and showing someone else my most authentic self is a truly freeing experience for me. In my past, it wasn’t easy to be vulnerable in most of my relationships with others. Now, I find myself honestly being who I am with everyone close to me.
It’s been easiest to be “me” in front of my family - but for me that makes sense. I’ve always been close to my parents and my brother (aside from some angsty teen years of course), and my relationship with my mother can now be defined as best friends. As mentioned in a previous blog post, I definitely had a struggle with coming to terms with my coaching niche at the fear of offending someone in my family, but when I was coached through that process I realized it wasn’t out of fear that my family wouldn’t support me, but out of my own issues being comfortable accepting that I was called to serve as an Intimacy coach. With my family, intimate relationships include trust, respect, and honesty.
I’ve also been able to truly be myself in front of my close friends. In my close smaller groups of friends, I’m definitely more of an extrovert. But put me in front of a new group of people and my introvert tendencies shine bright. I struggle speaking in front of a group of people I’m not already familiar with, and that’s been something I’ve been working on (thank you, new Meetup groups!). But on the whole, my friends get all my different layers and see me for who I am. In my relationships with friends, intimacy here depends on trust, vulnerability, and the ability to share anything and everything with no judgment (yes, there’s a pattern here).
In relationships, it’s a bit of a different story. In recent years, I’ve learned so much about who I am and what I am looking for in a partner that I can only credit that to previous relationships that haven’t worked out. I mentioned in another post that I was in a five year relationship, and it took that long to figure out that I was dating my best friend, who was only my best friend. That is not a satisfying relationship to me, and I know now going forward that it’s a red flag for me if it shows up again. I’ve had other relationships that the passion was incredibly strong, but the best friend component was missing. And other experiences where it was such a strong energetic connection that I couldn’t help but be curious about what would come of it, only to find it was just the one piece and other areas were lacking. When I think about an Intimate relationship with a partner, my high values include trust, vulnerability, respect, passion, and communication. I also believe it to be an all encompassing connection on a spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional level as well.
So tell me, what does Intimacy mean to you??
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