Out with the Old, in with the New

Hi, my name is Nancy, and I have a really hard time with self-care.  Funny, right?  My business is focused around self-intimacy, and giving to yourself.  And yet, I have the hardest time doing that for myself.  Shocking, I know.  What’s the old adage, Those that can, do; those who can’t, teach. 

This post is dedicated to my story around discovering what it’s going to be like when I can finally shed all these layers and step into my power.  Because it’s time I allowed myself to put my vulnerability out there, and share my process.  I know the power of the words I use, and I know that by putting my experience out there, there won’t be anything standing in the way of the power of the Law of Attraction.  Bring it on, Universe!

As all good coaches out there do, I have a coach that I work with (two actually, and both are phenomenal and a huge part of my life).  Recently, my business and marketing coach asked me if there was anything else she could help me with as we were wrapping up our call.  I said, “Yes, actually I need to get myself together and do yoga again.  I know I feel at my best when I’m doing it, I love to do it, and it helps keep me centered and grounded.  I have all the props at my house, I don’t even have to pay to go to a class.  But yet, I can’t seem to get motivated to practice” (this is nothing new for me, but keep reading…).

What I thought was going to be a shift in energy around my motivation turned into something so much deeper than I even realized.  My coach talked to me about vows (if you haven’t read Discover Your Purpose by Rhys Thomas, look into it ASAP), and we focused on the fact that this has always been a hold up for me.  In this conversation that I thought was going to be an easy fix, turned into a massive revelation: I have felt for a long time that I am not deserving of self-care.  The work after this has been so much harder than I ever imagined it could be.  Because I am releasing this vow of not being deserving of self-care, my new freedom statement is that I am open to the possibility that self care is my most valuable resource.

Okay, take a moment and let me say that again.  Self care is my most. valuable. resource.  The intensity of that statement resonated so strongly with me.  I learned in that conversation that if something is a vow, it takes a lot longer to shift away from the vow and flow towards the freedom statement.  That it will go so much deeper for me than just doing yoga more frequently. 

I have spent my life doing for others.  I have always enjoyed it (hello, Level 4 energy is my primary, for all my fellow IPECers out there), and it gives me so much fulfillment to be that person for other people.  But what will happen when I devote that same type of energy towards myself?  What will it look like for me to step into my vulnerability, to shed the judgement around myself and fear of what others will think, and stand so tall and proud and be able to shout from the rooftops that I am worthy of devoting time for just me, and embracing this person that I have always been, but slightly terrified of showing?  

(Fast forward to a call yesterday with my other coach, where my tears were flowing freely as we talked about what this means for me, and the importance of how I can embrace this in my life.  Thank you, Scott, because that conversation has inspired this post.)

Working in the corporate world for 12 years, I was always selling or representing the businesses I worked for.  I never had to sell my own services, because the business practices weren’t technically mine.  Now, they are.  I am selling myself, and it’s scary.  I’m going around and telling people that I can help them.  That by working with me, they can get past feeling lost, or like they are stuck in a hole they can’t get out of.  That I’m the helping hand they have been searching for, to help them discover their desire and live their passion.  And therein lies the fear – who am I to be able to say that???  But the truth is, I am that person.  I hold that sacred space for my clients to shed all their insecurities and embrace their vulnerabilities.  There is so much courage in that process. 

And why am I able to do this?  Because I’ve been in that similar situation.  I’ve experienced first hand not knowing what I wanted in this life.  Just going with the flow but deep down being really unhappy, and not having any passion whatsoever.  I have been lost and not connected with myself, which made it harder to truly connect with others.  It took a long time for me to get to where I am today.  But coaching has helped me step into my light, and has helped me identify my passion and now, be able to live it.  I’ve embraced my journey, and truly, I am proud of every step I’ve taken along the way.

And now it’s time for me to walk the talk. 

I am vulnerability. 

I am truth.

I am courage.

I am connection.

I am love.

I am abundance.

This is my fresh start.  This is me taking my first step into MY power.  I was born into this world to do exactly what I am doing today, to help others who are feeling defeated, like they have lost their voice, like they don’t recognize who they are anymore.  I partner with these people and together we figure out what it is they truly want out of this life, re-igniting their passion and creating their newfound sense of self. 

This blog is the beginning for me to get back in the saddle of writing, to devote time for me that I hold sacred, just as I do for my clients.  The devotion that I have towards my needs, whether that takes the form of yoga, self-Reiki, meditation, exercise, writing, etc.  This is an intentional practice for me now, and my freedom statement that self-worth is my most valuable resource, will turn from a feeling of crippling intensity to being powerfully meaningful. 

And so it is.